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A Lunatic Says He Loves Me

A Lunatic Says He Loves Me: Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Hotpot 2

The information officer extended his hand towards Han Rong, wearing a sunny smile. “Hello, I’m Yuan Fei.”

Han Rong didn’t like physical contact with others. The combat training he underwent during his student days instilled in him a natural instinct for attack. Therefore, he just nodded and made a deadpan joke, “Is the Serious Crime Unit teaming up with the Anti-Pornography Unit now?”

Yuan Fei pointed a finger towards the sky, “The recent trend is to crack down on vice activities. We’re currently coordinating between departments for efficient law enforcement!”

“Quite high-spirited,” Ding Ding patted his shoulder, finally having someone with less experience than him.

Ling Feng interjected, “Continue with the profiling.”

Han Rong continued, “There are no obvious signs of struggle on the deceased. Either he was in a vulnerable state, possibly intoxicated to death, or the perpetrator, who was close to the victim, was an acquaintance. The victim had no defenses, perhaps even placed a hand on the perpetrator’s shoulder, allowing them to assist him back home.”

Ding Ding was puzzled, “Why would the perpetrator cut off the victim’s genitals? Did the killer suffer from past emotional trauma?”

“Forensic expert Bai, can you observe the type of weapon used by the perpetrator?” Han Rong inquired.

Bai Xinhuai had large, distinct eyes but lacked vitality. He replied in a deadpan manner, “Just call me Bai Jie.”

Han Rong was stunned, “Clean Bai 1?”

Ding Ding became agitated, jumping up, “It’s Bai Jie! What kind of dirty thoughts are you harboring, using ‘clean Bai’! Despicable!”

Bai Xinhuai said, “Based on the traces of the wounds, it seems to be a kitchen knife. The perpetrator gripped the penis and sliced it like a piece of meat.”

Suddenly, the men present felt a chill down their pants and subconsciously covered themselves.

Ling Feng asked, “Does the killer have an aversion to male organs?”

Han Rong remained silent, his intuition telling him otherwise.

“The killer should be lurking near Huangkou 2 Red Light District. Increase police patrols in the area,” Han Rong suggested.

Ling Feng turned to instruct, “Take the photo of the deceased to inquire in the Huangkou area if anyone saw him last night.”

Ding Ding said, “Huangkou is an old residential area with no surveillance, and the locals are mostly tough characters who don’t like to cooperate with the police.”

Han Rong added, “Start with the massage parlors on Red Light District. Individuals like these hoodlums usually have regulars.”

Ding Ding said, “In the past, those girls never cooperated. They knew our internal divisions clearly, and *black wouldn’t bother with cracking down on yellow. Now it’s different, with the enthusiastic support of our Anti-Pornography brothers, we can get anything out!”

*the crime squads won’t get involved with anti-porn matters

Ling Feng poured a cup of bitter coffee, “Then, leave this matter to you and Yuan Fei.”

Ding Ding and Yuan Fei stood at attention and saluted, “Yes, sir!”

Han Rong glanced at Ling Feng and said, “Officer Ling, do you have something on your mind? You’re always drinking coffee.”

Ling Feng raised his eyelids slightly, with a smirk. “Are you analyzing me?”

Han Rong lightly tossed out a comment and left.

“Troubled by love,”

Which left Ling Feng feeling frustrated, rubbing his bald head.

Ding Ding was puzzled, “Boss, what’s bothering you?”

Ling Feng said in a low voice, “Never offend a psychological profiler.”

Back at the apartment, it was already 8 p.m.

As soon as Ji Yan entered the room, he went straight to the kitchen to wash his hands and prepare soup, which made Han Rong feel very pleased.

So domestic.

He thought.

It’s not bad at all.

The kitchen was lit with dim yellow light, casting a warm glow on Ji Yan, as if he were bathed in gentle sunlight. He was wearing a Peppa Pig apron, tall and straight-backed, with his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, revealing smooth forearm muscles.

His profile looked too perfect to be real.

Suddenly, Han Rong had the impulse to walk over, pull him into his arms, and keep him forever.

Perhaps his gaze was too obvious, as Ji Yan, who was washing vegetables, seemed to notice. He turned to look, meeting Han Rong’s gaze with a dazed, confused expression, tinged with a faint smile.

Ji Yan’s eyes widened slightly, then he quickly dried his hands and walked over, wrapping his arms around Han Rong’s waist, leaning down to nuzzle his shoulder.

“What are you doing?”

Ji Yan chuckled softly, “Just thinking about you looking at me makes me happy.”

“So happy, so happy, so happy.” His burning lips were so close to Han Rong’s ear, almost as if he was about to kiss him.

But he didn’t. He just gave Han Rong a quick hug, then let go and went back to cooking in the kitchen.

It seemed like this inexplicable gesture was purely because Han Rong looked like he needed a hug.

Can this person read minds? Will he give me whatever I want?

With this question in mind, Han Rong sat on the sofa in the living room, holding the remote control and mindlessly changing channels. When he saw a certain variety talk show, he exclaimed, “Huh.”

The guest on the talk show was a popular young actor, and strangely enough, his profile bore a striking resemblance to Ji Yan—high, straight nose, thin lips, and elegant almond-shaped eyes.

During dinner, Han Rong asked, “Do you know Gu Wei? Could he be a relative of yours?” He pointed to the TV.

The TV was still on, the program not finished yet.

Ji Yan said, “Yeah, he’s my cousin.”

Han Rong was slightly surprised, thinking that Ji Yan’s cousin is a big celebrity, then what does he do himself? His curiosity about this mysterious man grew stronger.

“Your cousin is quite handsome.”

“Handsome?” Ji Yan glanced at the TV, then fixed his heated gaze on Han Rong’s face, gently smiled, and his voice resonated in the spacious living room, “I think you’re handsome.”

Clearly possessing a reserved face, yet he managed to smile so seductively.

“Beautiful and cute, irresistible.”

This is really, really…

Han Rong blushed and felt too embarrassed to speak, his face both red and hot, like a bright sunset.

He knew this sly fox was using his charm to seduce, and even though he should be angry, he couldn’t help but complain softly, “I don’t know where you learned these seduction techniques.”

Ji Yan just smiled without saying a word.

After finishing dinner, Ji Yan went to wash the dishes, and Han Rong, wearing slippers, went back to his room to work. The Jinjiang website was still inaccessible, and the account “Adu Shisan” always showed a password error.

“I’m afraid it’s a fake author…” he muttered to himself, quickly switching to another reader account, “Devil Rong,” and logged into the DJ platform. The webpage quickly redirected, showing updates from the authors he followed.

Author Adu Shisan’s confession column: Starting a new story. Same routine, still illogical metaphysical crime-solving~ To read this story, silently chant in your heart: Harmony, democracy, prosperity, and science!

Adu Shisan’s new story is called “Blind Detective,” about a 108th generation disciple from a declining mysterious sect who accidentally enters the Criminal Police University and becomes a detective after graduation. When solving cases, he likes to wear a pair of sunglasses. These sunglasses are a family heirloom, used to cover the ordinary eyes and open the soul’s yin and yang eyes.

Due to repeatedly solving bizarre cases, he is known in the industry as the “Blind Detective.”

The new story is currently serializing the first case, “Eighteen Layers of Hell,” stuck at a crucial plot point.

Han Rong felt a bit conflicted. While leaving a comment under the story saying, “Great job, fighting!” he was also brainstorming the continuation of “Eighteen Layers of Hell.”

He thought.

The plot connects so perfectly; how could he not be Adu Shisan?

It’s just a website glitch, and he can’t log in temporarily.

Han Rong was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Ji Yan had finished showering and stood behind him, smelling fresh. Han Rong felt the air around him become humid, licked his lips, turned his head, and saw a freshly bathed magnolia flower, still dripping with dew, causing him to feel a bit parched.

Ji Yan smiled at him, then slowly reached out his hands, which were exceptionally beautiful—fair, clean, and slender, as if they were accustomed to playing the piano and wielding a surgical scalpel. Even though there was nothing in his hands, it looked like he was holding an apple, tempting Adam and Eve to sin.

Facing his ex-boyfriend’s affair partner, the most sensible thing to do would be to kick him out, cut off all ties, and have no further contact. Two little people were fighting in Han Rong’s mind—one said to throw this evildoer out of the house, the other said. Why act like Liuxia Hun 3? After a heated debate, Han Rong thought, to hell with it, why should he mistreat himself? Such a beauty was present, not eating would be foolish! It seemed so natural and logical, almost as if it had happened yesterday. When the two were intimately embracing, Han Rong even had the illusion that they were deeply in love.

But—

“You’re so handsome, yet you’re Number 1?!!!”

Han Rong’s irritable, unbelieving roar echoed in the bedroom.

Ji Yan laughed like a sly fox.

As they were composing a symphony, figuring out the murderer’s motive.

“I got it!” he suddenly shouted, his eyes bursting with two beams of wisdom, and his loud voice almost scared Ji Yan out of his wits. Can you imagine your lover who was just humming like a kitten suddenly roaring like a tiger as if he’s been injected with chicken blood?

Dr. Ji was extremely depressed.

Moreover, his young lover, with good reason and eloquence, endlessly analyzed the murderer’s psychology and methods, even staging a scene reenactment. Dr. Ji felt that in such a situation, he could still carry on, either because he was perverse or because of his true love for Han Rong.

He looked utterly miserable.

Han Rong extended his fists like meteors, pounding his back. “Are you feeling miserable being with me?”

With tears in his eyes, Ji Yan lamented, “You’re still thinking about murder cases while being with me. Can’t I feel miserable?”

As soon as Han Rong’s head hit the pillow, he fell into a deep sleep, feeling sore all over. Before consciousness faded, he viciously cursed Ji Yan to be slaughtered by the murderer the next day.

That despicable big bad wolf!

Early the next morning, Han Rong dragged Ji Yan to the police station’s Serious Crime Unit to continue the unfinished psychological profiling of the murderer.

“Male, between 38 and 42 years old, around 175 centimeters tall. Low level of education. Impaired sexual function, acquainted with the victim. High sense of social morality. Believes that petty criminals have no value of existence.”

Ling Feng asked, “Why did he cut off the victim’s ding ding 4, just because the victim was a petty criminal?”

Han Rong replied, “If Bai Jie’s inference is correct and the murderer indeed used a kitchen knife, then I speculate it’s because his illness is incurable.”

“What illness?”

“Sexual dysfunction,” Han Rong said. “A kitchen knife is a tool for cooking. He cut off the victim’s private parts as if they were a dish, intending to consume them. I speculate that this is because of an ancient belief in China, ‘eat what you lack.’ When medication couldn’t cure his illness, he resorted to dietary supplementation, targeting those who frequent the Red Light District, have no legitimate occupation, and have strong sexual abilities.”

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Translator Notes
  1. *jie(姐) – sister , jie(洁) – pure, Bai(白) – white[]
  2. Huangkou – Yellow Mouth/ Yellow is usually used to refer to porn.[]
  3. Called “a neglected sage” by Confucius, Liu was a man of eminent virtue. It is said that on a freezing day Liu held a homeless woman, who felt cold, on his lap for one night, without an evil thought. Today “Liuxia Hui” is widely used as synonymous with a man of moral integrity.

    []

  4. *ding ding(丁丁) – slang for p*nis. Resembles “JJ”, which is short for 雞雞[jī jī][]
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